Forgetting something?

The past week or so, I’ve been all over the place emotionally. Snapping at people, getting upset at nothing in particular, and just wanting to be left alone. Wanting to sleep all the time but getting angry when I wake up at 10am!

I was feeling okay yesterday until I got home from the gym. I got online, looked up some real estate, and then randomly burst into tears. I wasn’t upset over anything in particular, I just wanted to cry, so I did.

Needless to say it was a great shock for Matt when he walked in last night. He paused, and then realised I was bawling my eyes out while looking for a house. He got me some tissues, held me and asked what was wrong. All I could manage was: “What’s wrong with me?” *sob* “I’m not upset over anything…” *sob* “I just feel so miserable…”

I have a doctor’s appointment today for my hormone injection, which is due every 12 weeks. I normally go every 10 weeks though because I get headachey and cranky without the woman juice.

Turns out that it’s 12 weeks tomorrow since my last injection. Although I’m due now, in essence I’m two weeks late. Which explains the random bursting into tears, bitching, lack of sleep and other craziness.

Whoops.

Nine Days of Nothingness.

About a month ago I applied for some time off work. I wasn’t holding out much hope for getting any time off, but I thought I’d have a crack at it anyway. A few weeks ago, my leave was approved!

The past few months I’ve felt myself getting frazzled over minor things, and not focusing as much as I should. It hasn’t helped that my Sinuses From Hell have returned, and I’m experiencing another one of those constant headaches (two weeks now!) that are dull enough so you can keep functioning, but is still strong enough to annoy the crap out of you.

I’ve been counting down for the past three weeks, and now my mini-holiday is here! I have nine fantastic days all to myself. I’m not going anywhere, just staying at home, but I’ve been compiling a list of what I’d like to get done while I have the time:

- Clean out my car. At the moment my car is a rolling shoe rack. I counted 5 pairs of shoes on my backseat! Other items include a feather boa, a jacket, and replacement wipers.
- Organise my clothes. My wardrobe is an open unit consisting of two separate hanging spaces and 12 square cubicles. Matt has one lot of hanging space and 3 cubicles. The rest is mine. And it’s messy. So messy I can’t see what I have, because although all my clothes started out folded neatly, as I’ve grabbed things, all the clothes in their respective cubicles have merged into one big rolled up ball of various fabrics. Bad.
- Declutter the rest of my bedroom, including the rolling storage containers under my bed which I’m sure are full of stuff I’m too scared to throw out.
- Shop for lunches, and cook up several different things and freeze for lazy workdays.
- Do some more work on at least one of my scrapbooking projects. I’ve got three on the go at the moment: my school formal, Christmas 2007 and our trip to Hervey Bay.
- Spend some quality time hanging out with my Dad. Mum and I do stuff quite a bit, mainly breakfast on Saturday mornings and going to the gym together, but Dad and I almost never do anything.
- Sleep. Sleep. SLEEP!

I’m sure other things will come up, but that list is stuff that I will make sure gets done!

Love & Hate Wednesday.

Love: That I didn’t have to go to work today.
Hate: That I still woke up every time I rolled over last night.

Love: The baby barnyard animals down at the shopping centre today.
Hate: The fact that feral children outnumbered cute fuzzy animals approx 3:1.

Love: The new pair of black jeans I bought today - one size smaller!
Hate: I have so many damn clothes that they’re all shoved on shelves and I can’t see everything I’ve got.

Love:  My Britney Spears perfume (that doesn’t make me smell trashy!)
Hate: That it wears off so quickly Matt said today “Why don’t you wear perfume anymore?”

Love: That my car is nearly painted! Almost purple!
Hate: That the inside of it is disgustingly dusty, dirty, and full of shoes, but I can’t be bothered cleaning it out.

Love: My week off work is next week!
Hate: Two working days to go…

The one where I get crafty.

I consider myself to be quite crafty. Not crafty as in shifty… but crafty as in creative.

I’m into scrapbooking big time. Lately I’ve also been enjoying cardmaking and a few other bits and pieces, like stamping.

My latest obsession though? Candle making.

Here are a few of the candles I’ve churned out over the past couple of weeks:

From l-r: Angel fragrance, Sex on the Beach, Lime Cooler & Chocolate Fudge!

There are almost as many colours and fragrances as you can imagine! I made the chocolate fudge candle last night, and the fragrance was so strong the whole house smelled like chocolate! How real does it look? I waited until it was half set and then I sprinkled some wax flakes over the top to look a bit like coconut sprinkles.

You can use just about any container you fancy - for example the chocolate fudge candle is in a glass ice-cream dish - but for now I’m mainly sicking to glass tealight holders and jars. That said, I’ve got a lot to keep me going for awhile, I just bought 5kg of wax along with wicks, fragrances and dyes!

I can still smell chocolate fudge. Which is better than eating real chocolate, I guess. I made some vanilla candles this afternoon that smelt so good they had my stomach churning.

So who wants some fudge?

Accountability.

I wasn’t going to write about this, but I’ve decided to make myself accountable and get it out there.

Some of you may remember that this time last year I was losing weight - at quite a decent pace. Then some stuff happened that I let get in my way - death in the family, job issues, and the final straw, my ankle injury - and I let it all get to me, and all the hard work I put in went out the window. I put all the weight back on - and then some. I felt like crap, but at the same time used all of those things as excuses not to get back into it. I tore the ligaments in my ankle back in late December, and ended up using that as an excuse not to get back on the wagon for nearly six months!

In May, I bought myself a set of digital scales. I got on them, and I cried. I literally stood there and cried. Because the number looking back at me was the highest number I’ve ever seen. It felt terrible, and it was then - finally - that I thought “No more excuses”. I went back to the gym and handed over $300 for 10 personal training sessions, because I knew that if I didn’t pay for them in advance, I wouldn’t do it.

Tonight, I had my 10th session. I’ve gone from not going to the gym at all to going 5 days a week - 3 days after work and both Saturday and Sunday. I’ve started eating food I never even contemplated: cereal, porridge, salad, extra vegetables. I stopped eating so much junk. No more takeaway, or quick meals that just “fill the hole”. I’ve also cut back on the amount of soft drink I used to have - I used to drink a 1.25L bottle of Coke a day, and now I just have one can of Coke Zero with my lunch. That’s it!

The result of all this? Ten weeks later, I am 5.3kg lighter.

It’s taken a lot of hard work, suffering, bitching, and downright stubbornness, but I’m lighter. I have more energy. I am fitter - I don’t gasp for air when I walk from my car to the office building. I have muscle, which is still disguised by that extra layer of flubber that I’m still carrying, but trust me, there’s muscle.

I need to say this, not because I’m happy that I let myself go, but because I need to be able to look back and say “Hey, I did it” or “I need to keep going… I felt like crap getting started, but look how far I’ve come!”

I’ve lost 5.3kg. It gets harder every time I regain it and try to get it off again. This is my third try getting to the 10kg+ mark - and it’s getting harder every time. It doesn’t want to budge! But I am going to make it.

The next goal for me is to lose another 1.4kg, which will get me down into the next decade! I AM doing it!

I just need to stay stubborn.

Blubbering Mess!

A few weeks ago our neighbours welcomed their second child -a girl named Amelia.

Yesterday, after several missed opportunities, we got to see the new baby. She is absolutely gorgeous, lots of dark hair, quiet, content, and very alert. Belinda barely got in the door before my mum grabbed the baby!

I got to hold her after a few minutes. It was fine at first, she was happy with me. Then I started freaking out. There I am, holding this little thing staring back at me, and she was squirming a little - which sounds stupid, because yes, I know I was holding a living, breathing baby - and then I looked at her and she had this look on her face like she was about to cry and I panicked! I just froze, and then Mum realised I was freaking out and offered to take the baby back.

I felt terrible, all I did was hold her and I just panicked. She didn’t cry, I had a good grip of her… I don’t know. I just felt horrible about the fact that I couldn’t even manage holding a month-old baby for 5 minutes.

And then I thought - geez, what kind of mother am I going to be? If I can’t hold a baby, how am I going to feed it, change it, bath it and raise it? Am I going to get that maternal instinct?

Mum and Belinda had a bit of a laugh, but it’s really gotten to me. This obviously proves that I’m not ready to have kids - but will I ever be? And if I am ready later on, will I be a good parent?

Cold! BLOODY COLD!

I hate winter.

HATE.

Winter means cold, cold means miserable, miserable means wanting comfort, and comfort is usually something easily found in the fridge. Or cupboard. I feel like I’m constantly hungry, and although I’m not, that urge to eat something to warm yourself up is oh so tempting. But I am resisting…

I went to leave for work this morning, and there was ice - yes, ICE, on my car. ICE! On my car! Frozen water!!!

I live in Brisbane - generally regarded as a sub-tropical region. We don’t get cold weather. The worst we get is a couple of weeks of 20-odd degree days, and that’s it. This winter, so far, has been FREEZING.

Hence the ICE on my car! ICE!
(I’m really sorry, I just can’t get over it. I’m that cold.)

The nights have been really cold for a few weeks, which I have no problem with. I mean, I do have a walking, talking foot warmer, after all. But even during the day, it’s just ridiculous. There is no heat in the sun at all. The slightest breeze, and you feel like you’re frozen down to the bones. Getting up from my desk to walk any short distance is now referred to as “defrosting”.

I’m now fairly certain that the reason my ankle is causing me so much grief is due to the weather. It hasn’t been this sore since I was on crutches. And I’m fitter than I was 7 months ago, so it should be stronger. Eh.

I’ve never been a fan of colder weather. My excuse is that I was born in the middle of summer, a stinking hot Australian summer, and that’s just the way I like it.
(Ask my mum - she mowed the lawn in 36 degree heat the day I was due, and hey, I wasn’t ready yet! Can’t rush a woman…)

It does make me wonder, though, that if this winter is so damn cold, does that mean we’re in for an extra-hot summer? Because although I like it hot, I’d rather not melt the second I’m out of air-conditioning, thanks.

I’ve gone an extra shade of pale, too. I almost feel as if I’m transparent. I’m sure the platinum blonde hair is adding to this feeling… but seriously. Last summer I managed to get myself a “quasi-tan”, as in, I managed to darken one shade, so I didn’t look deathly ill. And it’s gone.

Maybe it’s covered in ICE, like my car.

There’s another month of this crap until it’s officially “Spring”. Come and thaw me out in a month, okay?

A to Z of MeMe

Shamelessly stolen from Aly - because hey, she said if anyone wanted it, they could take it!

A. Attached or Single? Attached. Two years, 4 months, two weeks and 3 days. Not that I’m counting…

B. Best Friend? I have a crazy best friend, also named Kelly. I totally need to nag her into starting a blog!

C. Cake or pie? Cake. Chocolate mud cake. MUD CAKE!!!

D. Day of choice? I like Fridays - and the emotional ‘up-yours’ feeling I get at 4.55pm. It’s not a nasty ‘up-yours’, by the way, it’s more like an “I’M FREE! So long, suckers!” sort of thing.

E. Essential item? My e-ring. I haven’t taken it off since I put it on 18 months ago. It’s worn a nice little groove into my finger!

F. Favorite color? PURPLE!

G. Gummy bears or worms? Either is good. Not fussy!

H. Hometown? A place that is regarded as it’s own city when bad stuff happens, but mysteriously becomes known as “Brisbane’s southside” when something good happens.

I. Favorite indulgence? I couldn’t think of anything, so I asked Matt, and he said “Matt.”

J. January or July? January. I’ve just been spoiled with my birthday and Christmas, and I’m not freezing my gonads off. As is currently the case this July.

K. Kids? Not till I’m married. Well after I’m married.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Laughter.

M. Marriage date? September 12, 2009.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? Zilch.

O. Oranges or Apples? I don’t do fruit. Although I managed to stomach a piece of pineapple last Friday.

P. Phobias? Bugs. Heights. The dark.

Q. Quotes? “In a world where you can be anything you want, be yourself.”

R. Reasons to smile? I have a great life. Awesome family, loving partner, good job (most days, like everyone else) and great friends.

S. Season of choice? Summer, for sure!

T. Tag 5 people: Help yourself. Everyone I’d tag has done it already!

U. Unknown fact about me? My jaw is double jointed.

V. Vegetable? Cauliflower. Closely followed by sweet, juicy corn on the cob.

W. Worst habit? Getting super-stressed about stuff and not stopping and taking a breath to calm down.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I’ve had an x-ray, and a CT scan (no, my skull was not empty!)… but no ultrasound.

Y. Your favorite food? Hot chips and garlic bread. Which is why I now have to go to the gym 5 days a week!

Z. Zodiac sign? Sagittarius. It fits me pretty well!

Operation: Ma$$ive Bling

I don’t know if anyone noticed the recent blog re-vamp, but I felt like a change. I’m also working on updating my uber neglected ‘100 Things’ list, because I took it down to fix it up, lost the saved file, and gave up. I’m back up to 49 things, so another 51 and it’ll be done! I just need to think of some more stuff. If anyone can think of anything blatantly obvious about me that I’ve missed, let me know.

Speaking of missions, I started a new one… *dramatic music* …Operation Ma$$ive Bling. Because my jewelery has been spread out from go to wo and I was sick of losing stuff!

On a random shopping trip a month or so ago, I saw an earring organiser that I just had to have. Unfortunately, they were out of stock, and they refused to sell me the display. I was mucho disappointo. But yesterday, I was out on another random shopping trip, and saw another branch of the store that had my earring organiser. They didn’t have any of my organisers in boxes, but they were willing to sell me the display. Yay!

So, one earring organiser + 50 pairs of earrings (!) + one Kelly later = this:

What’s even more shocking is that I know I still have a few more pairs of earrings floating around somewhere… including a pair that Matt bought me for my birthday (oops). Also, there’s a jewelery party at work on Wednesday, and I found another 3-4 pairs I’d like!

That one little benchtop is organised, now it’s just the rest of my bedroom that needs organising. I have a week off work coming up next month so I’m going to take that time to declutter everything in sight!

My next post will feature something creative, handmade, and unique. Curious? You’ll find out soon enough!

Ouchies.

My ankle injury has been flaring up again, especially over the past week. I know it’s connected to the fact that I’m consistently going to the gym 5 days a week, as well as driving to and from work in peak-hour traffic - where I’ve got no other choice other than to ride the clutch. Sigh.

Heels, at this point, are both impractical and impossible. Which is a shame, because I’m going through a heel phase.

You would think, that with me going to the gym so often, and losing some weight, that my ankle wouldn’t be under as much pressure. Apparently not! It’s not like I’m trying to run a marathon or anything, I usually stick to 20-30 minutes on the treadmill at a powerwalk pace, 15 minutes on the cross-trainer, or if my ankle’s really causing me grief, I’ll jump on a recumbent bike. I actually meant to ask my trainer about it on Wednesday, but I forgot. Oops. I’ll have to ask next week.

I’m not about to give up on going to the gym now that I’ve finally established a routine that is slowly working. But at the same time, I don’t want to overdo it and then not be able to go to the gym… Perhaps the cold weather is affecting my ankle too?

Until I feel more steady on my feet, I guess I’ll just have to put these away:

I tried tapping my heels at work one day and saying "There's no place like home..." to no avail.